Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New Year (A little satire, perhaps?)

Just a little fun on the last day of the year, nothing personal.

Attention all smokers! There's a new pariah in town, “the fatter”. Yes, you heard (err, read) me right. The fatter has firmly grasped the baton and is positioned to take the lead in the societal vilification race. The looks of disgust and faux coughing, typically reserved for the lowly nicotine addict, are a thing of the past. The Fatter is stealing your glory with every super sized, gluttonous mouthful. It won't be long before public places begin segregating normal people from the "portion challenged”.

Easy there smoker, don't get your nebulizer in a snit. You have paid your dues. You win. Gone are the days of being nailed to the cross for second-hand-smoke and passing on bad habits to the younger generation. The triglyceride tribe has done its best to infect an entire generation of happy (meal) youth with overzealous palate syndrome.

The corporate gold rush related to tobacco products, is and has been long gone. Don’t feel bad. The fatter has created a new marketing demographic, green field opportunities that the decision making suits, who are most likely card carrying fatter members, are falling over themselves catering to. Everywhere you look there are plus-size, abundant, plentiful, and husky options to let you "be yourself". So, congratulations to the fatter, it wasn't easy baby. You really had to work hard to attain such an honor, mouthful by greedy, corpulent mouthful.

In the past, a righteous man would look contemptuously at a smoker and think “let them smoke themselves to death”. Well, it's a new day and the same righteous man is gloating as he thinks “let them eat…”

Friday, November 13, 2009

The Great Escape

I can remember the exact moment, two years ago, that I decided to leave the hum drum confines of my hometown. This is not a knock on the town;Hum drum is good. The catalyst of this epiphany was the infestation, or more accurately, the scourge of “reality” television. I had to escape or risk becoming one of the millions of human marionettes the media has created. Fortunately, I had the financial means that were required for my journey.

There was bullfighting in Spain, marlin fishing in Cuba, drinking absinthe in London, fashion week in New York, and traveling with the Hells Angels in California. I have been to Ireland, India, The West Indies, Australia and South Africa.

I met many famous and unique people along the way, leaders of counties, CEO’s, writers, actors, everyday people, and even a yuppie serial killer.

I can tell you about a group of young campers in Arizona who saved hundreds of buffalo from a gratuitous slaughter, a mountain in Montana that is actually one big diamond underneath the trees and dirt, a painting where the man in it physically ages as time goes on. There was the king who killed his brother to take his throne, the prospector in Alaska who was so frozen, he had to light his own hands on fire to keep warm. These are just a precious few of the things I could tell you about.

Along the way I laughed, cried, loved and hated. I was scared, haunted, guilty, remorseful, resentful, and grateful.

The cost of this extraordinary journey was absolutely nothing and I never traveled further than my own house. There is no fee for a library card in my town. We who live in this small slice of Americana are lucky. Our town is not, as far as I know, run by people with special interests and hidden agendas. Inquires into fiscal or hiring decisions are not met with smug or indignant replies. Most importantly, the town has not reverted to numerous, keep trying until you get the outcome you want, attempts at Proposition two and a half overrides. It is understandable that police and fire departments could outgrow their buildings and might need more up to date technology, or require certain staffing levels to perform their duties.

What I find totally unacceptable is the use of scare tactics that use the public library as part of the coercion. It is a disgrace that such treasured institutions are forced to justify their existence and worse, beg and plead for their livelihood. The library is a precious resource and should be treated as such. It is a sanctuary that gives freely, asks absolutely nothing in return, and should never be compromised for any reason.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

So You Want To Be a Writer

I wrote a novel. So, what now? Survey says... start a blog. Seems simple enough and fairly easy to figure out. Hell, I even got to create the book cover I envisoned in my head the whole time I was writing the novel. Of course, the writer doesn't have much say when a novel is published, at least thats what I read.